Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
