well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
