I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
