News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
