If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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