It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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