i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
