Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
