I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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