wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
