dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
