So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
