I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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