Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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