He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
