it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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