So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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