Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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