$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
a search helicopter?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
