dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
