Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
