Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
