your thong is hanging out like whoa
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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