I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize