Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
