***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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