your thong is hanging out like whoa
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
