i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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