I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
even my farts smell like vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
