guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
