office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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