I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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