big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize