I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
