I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
