You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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