Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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