At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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