Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
