Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
