we're chasing vodka with high fives
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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