Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
