She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
