You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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