I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We need to rekindle our bromance
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
