I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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