omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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