you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
