Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize