Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
