Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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