pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
