i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
