I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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