I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
