the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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