Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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