You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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