Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
