Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
