Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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