We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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