i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
