if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
