never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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