did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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