im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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