so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
