He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Drunk is not a location!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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