Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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