I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
