I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Redeem this text for a blowjob
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
