I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He has the fingertips of a God
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