New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My penis needs a shock collar
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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