two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
