dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
