Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
