she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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