I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize