btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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