There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
