Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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