We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
