I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
