you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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