Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
